Q
Me and my boyfriend of 2 years broke up - he was my first love, my heart is broken and I feel like I won't ever be able to date again, what do I do?
Anonymous
A

GIRL. GET UP.

There are times when you are going to be sad, happy, relieved, pissed, sad again, then fucking angry. Feel those feelings. Reunite with some old friends. Go outside. Watch movies. Seek out new music. Draw. Piss on a tree. Honestly, dogs are pretty happy so maybe that’s the secret. Try to bake some fancy shit. Wear some ugly-ass pajamas. Enjoy this time with yourself.

Unfollow him from all social media and DON’T try to get in touch with him. It’ll only make you feel worse. Even if you agreed on being friends just give it time and it’ll happen if it’s supposed to. Don’t let him take advantage of you just so he can stop feeling sorry for himself.

You will date again. Try again when you’re ready and don’t fuck with other people when you still feel broken. Two years is a long time to invest in someone else so don’t feel like you have to get over it overnight. Your first love is a great experience and hopefully you’ve learned a great deal on what makes you happy and what you deserve in a relationship.

You will love again and you will absolutely be loved. I’m sure you have some pretty great friends that can show you a good time so fucking take them up on it. Enjoy the shit out of now and this time where you can be by yourself.

EVERYTHING WILL BE JUST FINE. BELIEVE IT.

If you need me, I’ll be here. Pissing the night away.

<3


HELL HATH NO FURY LIKE A WOMAN INTO KORN

HELL HATH NO FURY LIKE A WOMAN INTO KORN


Q
how do i capture the d
Anonymous
A

8 SIMPLE RULES FOR CAPTURING THE (HUMAN) “D:”

1. WEAR PERFUME THAT SMELLS LIKE SANDWICHES AND/OR DELI MEAT

2. LISTEN TO MUSIC TOGETHER WHERE “THE DRUMS ARE IMPLIED”- THEN USE THAT PHRASE

3. WEAR HATS WITH FRUIT ON THEM AND TOSS THEM TO HOMELESS PEOPLE WHILE SKATEBOARDING BY

4. DEFINITELY LEARN HOW TO SKATEBOARD I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH

5. MASTER AN IMPRESSION OF YOUR FAVORITE ADAM SANDLER CHARACTER MINE’S ZOHAN (I DO THIS THING WHERE I POINT TO MY LADY BITS AND SAY “DON’T MESS WITH THE ZOHAN” AND IT KILLS EVERY TIME)

6. DANCE ON THE HOOD OF A CAR THAT CAN SUPPORT YOUR BODY WEIGHT (I RECOMMEND NOT CHEVY ‘BU’S)

7. HOLD OFF ON YOUR STEVIE NICKS TALK UNTIL YOU HAVE CAPTURED THE “D”

8. EIGHT IS TOO MANY RULES I WAS DONE LIKE TEN MINUTES AGO

happy capturing!


Q
I've had anxiety for a long time now but lately it's been getting so bad that I've had to leave in the middle of class and I'm starting to get more anxious than normal around my friends and I have no idea why. I want to go to the doctors about it but my parents don't support that and are convinced that I'm going to be put on some kind of drug. I'm old enough to go alone but I don't know if I can. Advice?
Anonymous
A

Hi peanut!

This is a dating blog so I’m not entirely sure I’m qualified to give advice on these types of questions…

But I will say- it would be best to talk to a professional about it. You (and your parents) can explain your concerns about medications. If this is impacting your every day life, it’s best to take care of it now before it gets any worse!

In the mean time I hope you can look up some more natural approaches to help get it under control. There are many online resources including the mayo clinic….

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/anxiety/DS01187

A lot of people deal with anxiety so you’re not alone. But in my opinion it’s best to meet with a professional first!!

Take care of yo’self, love!

A


Q
My best friend lost her virginity before i did and now i'm 20, virginal AND i have one more reason to feel miserable. What do i do, start up a tumblr account to drain all the useless shit that goes through my head everyday? Stick a funnel up my butt and hope it'll make things feel right? Go emo or whatever's next? Stop watching art porn? WHAT ALLISON WHAT DO I DO?!
Anonymous
A

Oh hey A-Nom,

That’s nothing to be upset about it. Tina Fey didn’t lose her virginity until she was 48 and look how successful she is!

Swiping you v-card is only big deal if you make it one. Is that terrible advice? I don’t know. But taking the pressure off of it is gonna make your life easier and the lives of people around your easier. Just ask any of my friends- I text them nonstop that I’m about to sit on a fence. Or a sprinkler. Or an ice tray. Never a funnel in my butt though- that’s a new one. Imma text them that right now and see what happens!

Bottom line- don’t trip, potato chip! You can go emo or whatever but no one wants to bone that. Just bide your time with things you actually enjoy with people you enjoy and it’ll happen when it’s supposed to.

AND WHEN THAT TIME COMES BE SAFE ABOUT IT.

Hope that helps. Also, art porn sounds fucking terrible so cut that shit out.

Lemme know when it works out! Or don’t that might be weird.

<3,

A. McSlut


Q
My best guy frand and I started dating and it was wonderful. Then he drunkenly hooked up with some girl and told me he couldn't date me anymore because he never had any feelings to begin with and just felt safe because he knew that I liked him enough to make things work. Worth it to try and fix our friendship? I've moved on at this point, mostly. But the whole thing just sucks a lot. We were super close even before dating. Ugh sad face
Anonymous
A

Oh hello Ugh Sad Face!

First off, I’m very sorry your friend is a dick. He’s a dick with dick for a brain. He’s a dumb dick that thinks with his dick. He’s a dumb dick that doesn’t care about anyone or anything other than his dick. He’s absolutely trying to suck his own dick right now, probably on a yoga mat. Maybe on a floor cushion? Definitely while listening to John Mayer, cuz that’s grade A dick sucking music.

I’m sorry he made you feel safe and then threw you out like you were garbage. You are not garbage. He’s going to continue to do this to people because he only has the capacity to think with his tiny prick. It’s not your issue, it’s his. Maybe eventually you can be friends (once he gets his dick out of that jar of peanut butter) but for the time being, move on. He’s not worthy of your friendship. The wonderful thing is you’ve already begun to! You will find someone that is worth your time and knows how to treat you and has the ability to think with a brain and not his dick. So turn that sad face into a fucking big ass smiley face! Cuz bitch, that piece of shit just saved you a lot of time!

Thugs and kisses,

A


grindrdiary:

Grindr Diary. Day 5. #grindr

110% My favorite blog.

grindrdiary:

Grindr Diary. Day 5. #grindr

110% My favorite blog.